the end is nigh,

I managed to make it all the way to the start of July with this journal before falling off the proverbial bandwagon of new year fresh start shenanigans—which is actually a record in and of itself! Perhaps I’ll make it even longer next time.

There’s only a day left between right this moment and a brand new year, and I am absolutely not ready for it.

I should be preparing. I should be getting everything tidy and organized, I should be getting my routines in place. There’s writing to be caught up on and so much cleaning to do, and I’m still just so damn tired all the time. I’m still so completely listless about just… everything. That’s going to be the hardest part of bettering myself: pushing myself to continue even when I’ve lost total interest in pretty much all of life.

But I’m writing this out in the attempt to kickstart myself because there’s never enough time and what’s left is just dwindling away.

I have new routines to start— I need to start taking care of myself better. I want to start a more regular sleep cycle, going to bed and waking up at roughly the same time. Work on cleaning my face, work on eating a little healthier.

I need to find a job. It’s been about four months since I quit the inn and the longer I stay at home without work, the more anxious I feel about the idea of leaving the house to find it.

I want to keep things clean. Stay on top of things.

I want to write more. I want to game more. I want to read again. I finally got my camera and so I want to try to work on photography. I picked up crochet and I want to work on that too. I really want to fill my life with hobbies.

I want to save money.

I want to see my best friend in the universe graduate.

Fuck, I’d love to just be happy for once and for it to not be so difficult.

Here goes to another year though. Here goes to 2015. So much left to do in order to feel remotely ready and time is just not on my side.

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